So yeah. That’s a puppet penis. And this just became an R-rated film or a TV-M show. So brace yourselves.

James, in his state of desperate deterioration, has mistaken the Buddha water fountain for a Japanese toilet so he ‘Rainbirds’ all over its face.

Feel free to be shocked, offended, disgusted or amused by this. I don’t care which. It’s entirely up to you, the audience, to make whatever metaphorical or karmic sense you want of this. My job as a filmmaker is simply to provoke. That’s the contract.

Technically speaking, these Phicen male puppets come with silicone penises in three glorious stages of erection. For this shot, I filleted the biggest one open, down the frenulum with an X-ACTO blade, and inserted a stretch of 1/32” silicone tubing that was about 18 inches long. On the other end I Super Glued a medical syringe. Then I filled the syringe from a glass of water with a couple drops of yellow food coloring.

It took a few tries to get the glue formula right, so the tube would not get blown out. Cyanoacrylate did the trick. And I had to tie the shaft closed with fishing line at the base. But by far the biggest problem was catching a good squirt for each exposure. That was super hit-or-miss, which resulted in a lot of swearing on my part as my wife witnessed from downstairs.

Now add to this the fact that for each fill of the syringe, I could only get two or three good squirts. And after each try, I had to remove James’ cock from his hands and from between his legs, and siphon up more urine through the penis before posing it back for the next try.

So yeah, this shot took two nights to “pull off” but I think the results are reminiscent of classic bathroom humor scenes in comedies like Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery and Me, Myself & Irene. Especially in terms of wall soakage.

“Oi’m burstin’ fer a piss.” — James Bondáge